Smoke and mirrors

As women we have a tendency to compare ourselves to other women. I’ve had 4 kids but I find myself comparing my body to women who have none. It’s maddening. Today while taking a selfie to send my husband I noticed something… Do you ever take a couple selfies and in one you look great, one you look like Chewbacca, and in one you look like a boy? I totally do. About 1 in 3 turn out ok and that’s the one I share. My point is don’t compare yourself on your worst day to someone else’s highlight reel. 
The first picture I took…

andthe second…

Ignore my lobster tan… 



My mind is all over the place lately. I’ve been thinking about my future a lot and at the same time writing about my past. Reopening old wounds is hard on the heart. I was following my paleoish diet and then I thought this isn’t enough, I need to count calories. Then that wasn’t enough so I started doing weight watchers again. That always leads to starving myself followed by shoving nasty food in my mouth. Cue marshmallows, chocolate chips, and French fries. It’s always an out of control spiral. Then on Tuesday I was enlightened. I decided no more. I’m going to try and eat healthy 75% of the time at least and I’m going to workout. Because I own way too many workout dvds programs I’m combining them. I’ve lost a few dvds here and there. I’m combining p90x strength training days with cardio  (insanity and taebo). I’m taking pictures and at the two week mark I’m going to compare. I’ve also taken measurements. Once I’m back in the habit of workout out I’ll focus more on refining my eating. And I’m saying here and now… no more counting calories! It ruins everything for me!

Why I failed at selling…

I tried selling “those crazy wrap” things, and I’m happy I failed.  And here’s why.  Because I’m not a pusher. I can’t bring myself to send messages to anyone asking them if they are interested. I don’t want to pick out people who may have bad self esteem to begin with and try to sell them something. And since I gave it up I’ve gotten countless messages from people I barely know asking if I want to buy weight loss products. I was a part of the Facebook group that helps you market the products. They encourage you to send messages and ask people if they are interested. They give you scripts to copy and paste. You are instructed to delete and block anyone who doesn’t believe in the product or has something negative to say about it. One girl had a cousin say they didn’t work and she was told to delete that cousin from Facebook and her life. Because “you don’t need that negativity in your life.” What happened to agreeing to disagree?

 I think the thing that made me crazy is getting a message from a girl who made fun of my weight in highschool. She pointed out my weight and laughed with a boy who was making fun of me. I get a message from her last week asking if I want to buy products. I wouldn’t buy anything from you if my life depended on it. Do you not remember treating me like shit? Because I do. 

 Let’s focus on the wraps for a second. I tried them because I got a bogo box when I signed up. And because I sold a whopping zero I still have some. I’ve tried them on a couple of occasions and they are absolute junk. If anyone has lost inches using them it’s because they are already doing things to lose weight. They didn’t even make me lose water weight. They are a thin papery material. The “lotion” stuff is a tan smelly concoction. The first wrap I ever opened had a random hair stuck to it… very off putting. But at $25 a pop I used it anyway. Ugh. I got zero results. I even used a neoprene waist cincher over it. 

But people sell the products to make money right? We were going through a difficult financial situation when I signed up. I paid $99 for the sign up kit and I thought it would be a piece of cake, so easy! I marketed,  I shared pictures, I did everything but sending messages to random people. I had one person sign up under me as a distributor and that’s the only selling I was able to accomplish. But even then you have to set up to buy so much merchandise a month on auto shipping to even qualify for commission. Remember I said we were struggling financially? I couldn’t even sell enough to pay for MY products. Even when that one person ordered under me I saw not one cent from it. 

My weekend

I ate like shit all weekend. I started stress eating Friday night. Saturday morning I did well and Saturday night it all went to hell. That followed me into Sunday and I here I am full of my grandma’s fried chicken, homemade French fries, sprite, and microwave smores. But honestly I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I’m just going to get back on it tomorrow morning. I had a good afternoon and evening talking with my grandma and when grandma offers to cook for you… you don’t say no. 

I did do my measurements this morning and I’m down 4 inches overall. I’ve been planting my garden and doing a lot of outside work. Also I’m doing this June challenge full of squats, push ups, and leg lifts. Also I swear by the fitness Marshall on YouTube. He’s fantastic!

Operation summer slim down

Today I am feeling slightly better than yesterday. Still very congested and tired but I’ve gotten a lot of veggies and fruit cut up and into containers in the fridge. Eating has been a bit of a struggle today because I can’t taste much but am pretty hungry. For lunch I warmed up a frozen dinner (homemade) and I just had some fresh fruit and dry roasted nuts. I weighed myself this morning and I’m at 162.8

My lunch

My snack!

Beginning round 2

Starting June 2nd I am officially on my paleoish diet. Right now I’m trying to kick a cold. I was always planning to start June 2nd so there’s no excuses. I’m going to eat clean at least 90% of the time. Heavens knows I’m not perfect and I need to kick the all or nothing mind set. I’m doing a squat, push up, and leg lift challenge also. My goal is to spend the next three months re shaping my body. 

Day 3 

Day 3 is put on hold because we celebrated my son’s birthday with his friend sleeping over. I also had a date day with my husband which only happens once every 6 months. But will I let that ruin everything? Absolutely not. I’m back at healthy eating today. Tomorrow is his actual birthday and we are having pizza and cake. Could I instead eat my healthy food while they eat the “fun” stuff.  Of course I could. But if I restrict myself to never having something I enjoy I will likely fail. After his actual birthday on Monday we have no more celebrations or special days until July. This journey was originally planned to start June 2nd which is our first day of summer break. Since I’m a lunch lady I also won’t have work all summer. That’s a really good thing because it’s hard to work in the snack shack and serve soft pretzels, walking tacos, cheese sticks, and pizza, knowing you can’t have it. My goal is to lose 30lbs in 3 months. It feels totally doable. But I’m not skipping birthday celebrations with my kids. Have I mentioned I have 4?!

Day 2

Day 2 was rough. I woke up still hungry from day one. It’s so hard to work around food while you are trying to be healthy. I’m a lunch lady so the food I’m around isn’t really edible…that’s a whole different topic though. I’m going to do measurements before I go to bed tonight. My middle sons birthday is coming up next week so I’ll be taking one night off to celebrate. 

At lunch I thought I was starving so I allowed myself three very small potatos. Ugliest potatos ever but oh well. Turkey burger was amazing on a bed of lettuce with onion and mustard. That’s my new favorite. 

Day one

So day one is in the books. I woke up a lot last night with hunger pains. I ate a lot of veggies yesterday. I think today I’m going to focus more on protein to try and keep me fuller longer. I vowed I wasn’t going to track calories but I did just to get an idea of what this eating plan was doing. I ate around 1300 calories yesterday which is -700 compared to my usual diet. I’m also wondering if i should add in rice to help not feel like I’m starving. But I’m not giving up with my original plan just yet.I’ll also be really happy when this headache from soda withdrawal goes away. I weighed myself to get an idea of where I’m starting. I hate to even share it, but accountability, right? Weight:167

Here’s is my breakfast: 2 farm fresh eggs and fresh strawberries. 

My lunch: lemon pepper tuna, iceberg lettuce (I know it’s not as healthy but I like it), cucumbers, and brown mustard. 

I know iceberg lettuce is mostly water and not as nutrient dense but here’s the thing. If I try to change my diet in one day I’m going to have to eat some things that I like. And I love iceberg lettuce. Baby steps. I even ate a sweet potato yesterday… the first few bites were ok because I was very hungry. But lord help me I do not like sweet potatos without brown sugar and marshmallows. 😉

Body positive

I am a huge fan of being body positive and loving the body you are in… but I’m also positive that my body is going to crap out if I don’t start taking better care of it. I’m also gaining weight at an alarming rate. So here I go trying to lose at least 30lbs. When your pants are bulging at the seams that’s a dead give away that something needs to change.